I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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