she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
