His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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