My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
