i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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