Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
