He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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