Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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