Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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