I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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