peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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