I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
