if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
