dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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