...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
