You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
