dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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