yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
