Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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