my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
