At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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