It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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