dude i'm inner monologue high
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
