...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
