Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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