I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I lost the right to judge tonight
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
