Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
