im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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