Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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