Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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