I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
