Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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