I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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