ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
