I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize