Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
