Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
two words...techno handjob
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
