I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
