he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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