well I can't set my house on fire every night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize