sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
