you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
