He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
