I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
