sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize