that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
