Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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