I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
