I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize