Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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