ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
