just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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