Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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