I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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