I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
