It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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