we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
