I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
