whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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