Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
