I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
