we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
