I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
