I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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