I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
