insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize