Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
