dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
