Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
