Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
