I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
