whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
