shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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