i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
