If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
